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Here's what they ought to do about Obama and Romney and the presidency: They ought to share.
This is simple. I am really going back to basics here. Think about it. What do you do when you have one toy and two children at a daycare center want to play with it?
Exactly. You share. Come on, it's not rocket science people. You can just let one kid play with the toy truck for a little while, and then you let the other kid play with it. Or, if you have two kids who are still hungry and you only have one slice of pizza left at the pin the tail on the donkey party – another game, I might point out, where there are no ties – then you cut the piece of the pizza in two and you share.
So that's what I think we should do in case there's a tie in the election. I'm suggesting a solution that goes back to basics. Share!
Starting on Inauguration Day in January, you swear in both Obama and Romney, and then they alternate days being president: Mitt Romney is president the first day (he gets to start since he hasn't had a turn yet), and then, the next day, Obama is president, and they just alternate back and forth like that, taking turns until the four years is up.
Just think what that would do to help bridge the political divide – to have the two of them sharing the office and making policy side by side.
In fact, I like the idea so much that I think they should agree to do this, tie or not. They should do it right now, before the election.
Look, they're both very worried about losing, and they are both lawyers, and just think: What do lawyers do when they're both worried about losing a case? They settle. They come to an agreement. They cut the baby up into pieces.
And Obama and Romney might even become good friends (as often happens, for instance, when two kids are forced to share a toy together at a daycare.) I can only imagine the immense political harmony this type of arrangement might bring about, something that would be a total breath of fresh air in our currently politically divisive atmosphere.
Now, I haven't worked out every little detail of it, but some of it would be extremely simple to arrange. For instance, the White House is plenty big enough to hold two families, rather than just one; and you could have one family live in the West Wing and one in the East Wing, and each president would get to use the Oval Office when it was their day. It would be just like Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in War of the Roses, and I realize that they both died at the end of that movie so maybe that's not the best example to use here, but, still, I think you can see where I'm going with this.
So, I say that, for the next four years, the two men should share the office of the presidency and alternate being president each day.
That way we could all have the best of both worlds.
For instance, on the days when Obama is president, we would have Obamacare, and so, if you were poor and you needed health care, you would just be sure that you went to the hospital on those days when Obama was president.
And, on the days when Romney is president, then we could go back to having no health care for poor people, because Romney is 100 percent solidly against it. On those days, there would be no Obamacare, so you would just turn people away and tell them to come back tomorrow – unless, say, they were in Massachusetts, in which case I guess they would be able to go to the hospital every day since the people in that state would still get to use the Obamacare that Romney put in place when he was governor of that state.
Or, if you take an issue like Iran, Obama could just sit idly by and do nothing on the days when he was president, but then, the next day, when it was Romney's turn to be president, Romney could bomb the living tar out of them to his heart's content.
I haven't got all the details worked out, like who would get to light the White House Christmas tree, but you know, again, it's not rocket science, and they could, for instance, flip a coin and, say, whichever one didn't get to light the tree that year could get to give the presidential pardon to the Thanksgiving turkey that year.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm not here to work out every little detail – just to get the idea out there so we can get this brilliant arrangement in place.
So if you are a political person reading this, we still have time to make the deal before the next election and we can then finally see some peace and harmony in our government system.