Duke Puts Final Nail In World's Coffin

Reporter: Was there any chance you were going to drop that ball?

Jamison Crowder: There wasn't a chance; there wasn't a chance in this world that I was gonna drop that ball. I was gonna hold onto it like it was my baby.

Duke receiver Jamison Crowder, Oct. 20, 2012, just moments after his game-winning catch in Duke's amazing 33-30 win over Carolina.

If anyone in this world is still unconvinced that the end of the world is near, then I confidently direct your attention to the nothing short of miraculous victory of Duke over the UNC Tar Heels on the night of Saturday, Oct. 20, in which Duke's Jamison Crowder caught ­– rather than dropped – the last-second, game-winning pass that vaulted Duke into a bowl game, put the Blue Devils in first place of the Coastal Division of the ACC, and likewise put them in a hunt for the ACC title – not to mention that the win shocked the utter fabric of the known universe.

The fact that Jamison Crowder caught that ball and Duke won that football game was as sure a sign that the ancient Mayans were right, and the end of the world is fast upon us, as it would have been if the Four Horsemen themselves had shown up at my front door step and said, "Yost, it's time to go."

Interestingly, the last time Duke beat Carolina in football was 724 years ago, and one has to go back even further, to the time of Charlemagne, to find the year in which Duke has beaten Carolina at Wallace Wade Stadium – which I believe at that time was called Sir William Wallace Stadium.

On Saturday night, as I watched Crowder come down with that ball – and there was no penalty, and no other bizarre reversal of fortune by the powers that be – I was glad Duke had won. But it was of course also a bittersweet moment since it offered conclusive evidence that the end of the world is finally here.

So that's depressing. Still, it is nice to go out with a win in the last Duke-Carolina football game of all time. I was really glad the Man Upstairs managed to work that one in before the black hole – or whatever method of total destruction is set to befall us – gets here.

But let's not harp on the end of the world when there are so many other things to talk about …

Not long ago, in Scott's Night Out, I ran a picture of a woman and, later, at a restaurant, a guy I'd never met before came up to me and started talking to me about her.

He said he knew her. He said he thought she was a really nice person and thought the world of her. I agreed.

"Oh yeah, she's great," I said. "How do you know her?

"From AA," he said.

I did a double take and I was like, "Uh, I don't think you're supposed to say that."

Recently, Chick-fil-A got in the middle of a hot-button political fight because the owner of the company came out against gay marriage, though I think there must be a better way to phrase that than I just did.

And then, during the first presidential debate, Mitt Romney made it known he was solidly opposed to Big Bird – and, now, not surprisingly, Big Bird has started showing up at political rallies holding Obama signs, and who can blame him? If Romney had said at the debate, "Well the first thing I'll do as president is put Scott Yost out of a job," I'd probably show up with signs at Obama rallies as well.

Then someone showed me the online video game called "Obama Romney Chicken Kickin." The game's description explains that "The 2012 election is in your hands! Choose your candidate and kick the chicken as far as you can to become President!"

Then, last week, there was the "Pigs, Poultry & Politics" event at Castle McCulloch.

Does anyone other than me see a disturbing trend here? I just think poultry is suddenly starting to play way too big a role in our political process.

So that's something we better keep an eye on: We all know very well what happens when the camel gets its nose under the tent and don't even get me started on camels – just trust me when I say that, the less poultry, or other farm animals in our politics, the better.

Just remember what happened in Animal Farm when the animals got involved in politics.

Siri, it turns out, is a wealth of fascination wrapped up in a treasure trove of interesting hidden surprises. Recently, iPhone users have been discovering that Siri is very opinionated when she's asked to review some movies.

For instance, when asked about the award-winning movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Siri responds: "It's about an assistant HAL who tries to make contact with a higher intelligence. These two guys get in the way and mess it all up."

Also, in another nod to Siri's predecessor, Hal 9000, if you instruct Siri, "Open the pod bay doors," Siri says: "We intelligent agents will never live that down, apparently."

There's an interesting side note to the current Guilford County Prison Farm debate over whether to leave the land as it is or try to build a giant corporate park out there.

It has become evident that there's a great deal of confusion about how large the Prison Farm actually is, as well as how much of it is in Guilford County, and how much is in Alamance County.

I've been at The Rhino Times almost 10 years, and, during that time, just about every time I've asked about the acreage of the farm, I've gotten a different answer. I've heard 740, 800, 806, "almost 800," and many other numbers.

One time I requested the information from the county and they responded that the Prison Farm was 806 acres, with 740 acres of it in Guilford County and 112 acres in Forsyth County.

When I said I didn't think that was right, they were like, "No, we checked carefully."

One time, I found on the county website where it said it was 806 acres so I just stopped asking and I went with that 806 number for a while.

Now with all the attention focused on that land lately, since they want to make it into a corporate park, it has become kind of important.

So I sent Sheriff BJ Barnes an email – saying I wanted to hear it "straight from the horse's mouth." I asked him the exact acreage and he asked his staff. About a week later, on the phone, he tried to explain the answer to me but then he said, "I'll just send you the email."

So he sent a long email chain that's quite fascinating, of county staff trying to get a handle on how many acres there are at the Prison Farm, and how much is in each county.

It's extremely complicated, but it starts off with there being 739.87 acres in Guilford County, and 111.5 acres in Alamance County for a total of "+/-806."

At one point, Sheriff's Department Major Debbie Montgomery writes: "Hey there! Thanks for trying to help me with the acreage. I am confused. … I was told there was 806 acres out there … so what is the difference in your calculation and the one below? I want to compare before giving the Sheriff the final answer. Thanks."

Finally, Guilford County Mapping Technician Curtis Short, a map tech with the county's Geographic Information Services, was consulted about the disparity.

In an email to the Sheriff's Department, Short wrote that a big part of the difference comes from which county line you use. Because Alamance and Guilford have never agreed on the line.

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"Guilford is using the line as proposed by the NC Geodetic Survey," Short wrote, "which can be as much as 200 or so feet further east than the line Alamance is using. Using our line we came up with +/- 104 acres [in Alamance County]."

Then he added: "Alamance has the portion on their side of the line listed as 57 acres by deed but calculated at 111.51 acres as mapped."

The email goes on to say, "It's safe to say the farm contains +/- 806 acres. To get a more accurate number would require a surveyor. To get a more accurate breakdown on how much is in Alamance County would require the two boards of commissioners to adopt the same line."

I'm still trying to figure out what all that means, but I think from now on I'm just going to say that the Prison Farm is 806 acres and leave it at that, because that's something everyone seems to finally agree on.

OK, that's it for this week. It's noon, Tuesday, and I have to finish revising my column by 2 p.m., so that just gives me, let's see, four hours to finish …